Rex's Personal Ads

Before we adopted Rex--when we were just fostering him--we couldn't believe some of the awesome things about him: He didn't beg for food at the table, he didn't eat much more than Ruby who is half his size, and he didn't even shed! Wow, we thought, this is the perfect dog! How did we get so lucky?

After the adoption was final, things changed.

Stringy drool hung from his jowls at mealtime.
He nudged us for more food once his blue and white bowl with the paw prints was empty.
And when spring hit, he shed golden tufts everywhere like it was a furry monsoon season.

My friend Patty said, "That's just like a man. As soon as he realizes it's permanent, his true self comes out."

We joked that we should take out an ad now and see if anyone wants him.

Rex's Personals

10. Do you need a pony for your party?

9. Big dog with flatulence problem needs home. Male owner preferred.

8. Will work for food. Able to pull leashes and large plows. I'm the horse you want before your cart!

7. Garbage disposal on the fritz? Call Rex. He'll sniff out the problem.

6. Need a companion? I work cheap -- hugs and belly rubs are all I ask.

5. Clifford the Big Red Dog impersonator. Specializing in parties for children.

4. Security Guard -- all bark; no bite.

3. Karaoke Crooner -- specializing in Elvis', "Hound Dog"; Lou Rawls', "You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine"; Led Zeppelin's, "Whole Lotta Love"

2. Perfect Gentleman. Svelte. Likes long walks. Loves to laugh. Enjoys ice cream cones. Could you be the one?

1. 105-pound lap dog. Loves to cuddle. Is there room for me on your couch?

I was looking for a house where Rex would be more comfortable. I also wanted to take advantage of the alleged great time to buy a house. But my dad thought Rex was too big for me and was stifling my search, so he emailed me this:
"The dog seems to be an impediment. I can place an ad in a couple of rural papers, The Lafayette Ledger, Winthrop News, etc. and maybe a farm family will take him."

Thanks, Dad. But no thanks.